#notetoself

I lost a great father-figure in my life, 17 days ago I lost someone who showers me with endless love, 17 days ago I never imagined my life after you leaving us, Atuk. It hits me hard, today. Home without you is not complete as always.  No more getting your random jokes when we're about to eat.  No more saying I love you before sleep. No more looking forward for your duit pencen.  No more someone to look up at me in a proud way. Atuk, my 4 flat was for you. ... I does not have the courage to continue. I miss you, Atuk. I love you, forever.  

 My heart break pieces today but not a single sorry I get from him. To all people out there, be kind and talk nice always. You never know which topic and which parts of your wordings that could be a knife to other person.  I am very insecure with my appearance. My face, my outfit and other things related to my appearance. You can give opinion nicely for me to improve my outfit, yes of course you can and I welcomed. I welcomed my friend to comment on my outfit on that day, if there is anything I could improve because the insecurities I felt. But commenting harshly is not a way.  I am trying hard to be in this phase again, to change myself to become a better person in the future. To be the old Najihah that could take good care of her outfit, I miss my old self. But you, you destroy everything on this very first day of the new year.  It was my hardest tear after a very long time. Thank you for bringing it back to me. Despite all that negative things, thank you, Allah. F...

 I never thought the story between me and her will came back freshly to my mind as I enjoyed everything around me now. I have goods friends, met good people and have a quality time with the people I love.  I know, she taught me things, dont put hope on others, dont hope too much, dont give lots of efforts when other side just not care and everything else. Honestly, I learnt a lot from her, I endure the pain of losing a best friend (for me of course)  and I learnt that not everyone around us yang datang dalam hidup seikhlasnya untuk kenal kita. I learnt that there is a people that will come straight to your face just to tell that she cant accept you, she cant be with you anymore because you are not a good person. She taught me important lesson. Im mad at myself when I see I put lots of efforts (read: beria)  on us after everything I went through because of her.  There are lots of time I cried alone, thinking about it when it crossed my mind. Because everyone arou...

 It's already 2023. There are lots of happiness comes in 2023. But, there is also sadness and miserable things happened. However, I did not remember any of them. I learn how to move on, forget things that make me sad and be happy as I should.  March 2023, I started my long distance relationship with him, my love. Tough enough, miss him everyday and wondering what I can do to meet him and everything. I guess, my clinginess becomes high but my maturity came forward. Being far away teach me more than everything and I really grateful that I meet him, Azizul Hakim. Someone that I went through lots of ups and downs.  I get to understand our relationship more, getting to see how sweet Azizul handle me when I am far away from him. All the attentions and care that he shows, I started to think that I did not deserve any parts of him. But, that's the reason for me to be better and keep getting better because all I want is him for my future.  Thank you Allah for sending me to hi...

 It is funny that I read the letter I wrote for the future me in the same year. But, somehow I feel proud of myself. Today's writing comes with mixed feelings, I guess I should start with the happy part. I accepted by his family :) I am glad that it is as what I dream for. His parents and his siblings.. everyone is lovely. I went to see them at Ipoh, it is unplanned visit actually. I pray maghrib together with his family. I ate dinner and have conversation with his parents. I am lucky, to know and meet them.  Proudly, I am not nervous. I am just afraid that I dont have anything to share (it is not that I dont have story). I am afraid the situation will be awkward. BUT ! Guess what, everything went smooth.  Meeting his family do change my life. I want to be the best for him for his family. I want to be the best so I deserve to be in that family. <3 I cried that one night, I dont remember which night but just few days before today. I lied to myself. Again.. I still cant ...

Assalamualaikum and Hi from 21st Najihah. Yes, it has been a long time, me updating blog for my own diary purpose. Pop up on my mind about this not-so-public blog and I take a look on it. Now, I am here writing things for my future memories. I am writing this letter to the future Najihah. I guess, it is time for me to wrote this letter to you. So, later you can look back and see what have you gone through. I hope one day, you will proud of yourself when you read this letter back. I am in UTM for the 4th semester (already). Also, I am writing this during exam week! You know what, I am kinda proud of myself. I've been go through the phase where I do not want to continue this. I dont know who are you right now, but yes, I was in that phase not really want to work as Quantity Surveyor. Sr title is just a motivation, not really a dream. It is pain, but yes, it is actually not a dream. I dont know when will you read this, but I hope you got that Sr or you are in the phase getting that Sr...